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A post about me

2011-10-21T10:50:00.002-06:00

Life is good. No. Life is great. I am enjoying my little family everyday. My boys are amazing. They are such good boys. One more than the other, probably because he cant talk or move and I'm okay with that. Pregnancy felt long. Maybe because I worried the majority of it. Landon is growing up fast. His little tooth bud on the bottom has sprouted. I ask myself where the time has gone. It was a year ago this time that I found out I was pregnant. I took about 20 tests...now I have this amazing little boy who is so smiley and bright.

I've had the same job now for almost 10 years. Well not the same job, I've been in the same department for almost 10 years. I've moved around and up quick and I like what I do. I like who I work for which makes it easier to leave my children. I am a working mom. That's just how things are. They say money isn't everything. Well it sure would make things easier. You see I had this plan. The plan was to have 4 children by the age of 30. I would be a stay at home mom and my primary job would be the children and the home. I friend posted on facebook a statement, not sure if its a famous quote or who said it but it went something like "If you want to make god laugh, tell him your plans". So true.

Waiting for Landon taught me some sort of patience. It taught me that I am on gods time and not mine. That things happen when they do and that's that. I am turning 29 in December and its made me realize that this so call plan I had has failed. I'm not having 2 more children in the next year and a half. Its not physically possible. Unless I got pregnant with twins..now that would be cool. But seriously in all seriousness this isn't going to happen. So I thought well...do we have 3 and call it a day? Do I go for 4 and who cares when they come?

You see I over analyze EVERYTHING!! I mean EVERYTHING. I think things out too much. It's the control freak in me. I have to know where, what, why, when. I feel very strong in my heart that there are more children out there for me. If we were millionaires I'd spend my time being a mom and having children. Ambitious I know. But I dont.

I started college the fall after I graduated 11 years ago. I went off and on for 5 years. Some classes I did really well at, others were a complete waste of money because I failed due to lack of participation. I've realized lately how important education is. Perhaps its the fact that my younger brother started college in August. He loves it and I think in parts I'm jealous. I'm jealous because I should be something by now. I'm jealous because I know that knowledge is power, I know that a high school diploma is like graduating from kindergarten and I know that I would push my children to be better than what their parents were.

I want to be able to provide those opportunities to my kids. I'm going back to school. Yep, I know I'm crazy. And if you are saying no Sue you aren't crazy..then you're lying. Because the reality of the situation is that I am crazy. I'm 29 (almost) and going back to college. Many of the classes that I took once upon a time are old and outdated...so I need to repeat them. Its a lot cheaper if I take them at SLCC so thats where my journey will begin. Part of me is excited, the other part makes me feel guilty that I'm taking time away with my boys.

However I've had an epiphany. I'm grateful for my job and the things that I have been able to learn. I'll restate that I like what I do and who I work for that's not my issue. My issue is the people I work with can be ridiculous sometimes. I'm not being dramatic either. I get complaints on the phones, complaints because they don't like the type of pens that I order, the Kleenexes are too rough for their noses. If I get their bonuses on their checks, there is no thank you's of any kind. If I don't get their bonuses on their checks all hell breaks loose. In other words I feel like I am running a daycare of some sort except these kids are adults who work for a living. I feel like I have more potential. Like there is something else out there for me and everyday...as I'm sitting in traffic, pissed off because I've left work with thoughts of running over my co-workers (not literally, more so my Ally Mcbeal moment) I think I need a change. A change in a big way.

Landon Jacob Gatherum

2011-10-11T13:57:00.003-06:00

So I was huge.....and I mean HUGE by the time June came and I was determined to have that baby on or before its due date. I got desperate. I mean DESPERATE. It's weird that with your second baby you get just as excited as you did with your first. Atleast for me it was. I dont know why. Who really wants to get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby while your husband is trying to keep you company but somehow his breathing has become heavier and heavier until it becomes a full blown snore.

I was making progress or atleast thats what my dr wanted me to think. I was measuring ahead the entire time. I was 35 weeks and dialated to a 3 and 60% effaced this baby was coming soon right? No wrong. In fact I think its just another way that god proves he has a sense of humor. I had my c-section scheduled for June 20. My brother in laws wedding was slowly approaching on June 11 and gosh darn it that baby had to be here. I ate some damn hot hot. Only to realize that is a total lie and it doesn't induce labor. I bounced on the excersize ball for HOURS. I literally thought I was going to break something. I ran up the stairs...walked, jogged, walked some more and had more interactive activities with my husband than you all care to know. It just wasn't happening. I had thrown in the towel. I said whatever I guess I'll go in on the 20th. My only comfort was knowing that was it. I wouldn't have to be pregnant any longer. It wasn't so much because I hated being pregnant because I didn't. I'm one of those lucky ones that has a fantastic pregnancy (not to brag) other than worrying I was good. I was just antsy to meet the little man.

I went to bed the night of the 16th (Thursday) having some mild contractions. They were pretty consistent but not painful. I ignored them because CLEARLY this wasn't labor and went to bed. They were getting stronger throughout the night and I thought yeah ha ha very funny. I got up to do my normal routine Friday morning to some major bleeding. I thought hmm I really didnt have this happen to me last time. Lets just go get checked out. If this is it then fine if not whatever but I didnt want to go to work thinking I might ruin my chair. I tell Jeremy the news of course and he's completely elated. Not because this might be the beginning of the new chapter in our lives but because he doesn't have to go to work. WOoT WoOt long weekend!! Thanks honey always at your service!

We pack our things, drop Kaden off at daycare and head to the hospital. They take me back to check me in and hook me up to the monitors. My contractions were about 3 minutes apart coming on pretty strong. Luckily my doctor was making rounds at that time and came in. Checked me (I had been checked 2 days before with no progress) and I was fully effaced. Contractions coming pretty strong. He said do you wanna have a baby today? Really doc? Does a fat kid enjoy cake? Yeah you know what lets have a baby.

The nurses came in, set up the IV's and then I was on a waiting strip. Kinda like when you see the planes lined up right before takeoff waiting for a clear runway. I waited for a clear operating room. They put my cute little socks and off I went into the OR. I walked in the room and I had forgotten how cold it was. I started shaking immediately and knowing that Jeremy was no where in sight freaked me out more. This was it. Minutes from now my sweet precious little boy who I'd been waiting for so long was going to be here. They prepared me for the spinal block at which point my legs just went instantly numb. I laid back and watched them prep my lower body from the light reflector up top. My dr came in and I told them I needed music. They turned it up. All I remember is it was the arrow. Cant remember the song. Jeremy came in shortly and operation lets cut ya open started.

It got quiet. I told them I needed a play by play. The silence does no good to me so Jeremy started talking to me. I saw them slice across and I felt the pressure again. It was quick. Tears began to fill my eyes up when I heard his sweet cry. It had happened...He was real..he was here.

They immediately brought him over for me to see him. He was purple. I mean PURPLE to the point that he looked like he could have been black. I was like oh crap...whats going on here. Apparently thats how he decided to come out and he shortly turned a normal shade. He was perfect. I told Jeremy to go with him and so he did. He weighed in at 8lbs 4oz. Which I was amazed at because he looked so small when I saw him and I didnt gain anymore weight than when I had Kaden. It must have been all that calorie/carb/fat free mint chocolate ice cream I ate everyday ;) They measured him at 20 1/2 inches. Already this kid was planning on showing his brother up. They wrapped him up and gave him to Jeremy. He brought him near my face. I kissed his sweet little forehead and told him we've been waiting so long for him to come see us. Its an overwhelming feeling how much love you feel for someone you just met.

They proceeded to stitch me up and Jeremy and I just soaked up the moment to spend time with our new little dude. They wheeled me back into a recovery room and I held him for the first time. It was love at first sight. He was blessed with my perfectly round chin and he had the cutest little cheeks ever. I loved him and I loved him even more because he looked that his brother. I mean IDENTICAL. These 2 are a perfect image of each other.

We spent the next 2 days in the hospital. He is amazing. He is such a smiley sweet spirit. He wakes up happy everyday and he is so mellow. We have been truly blessed and I am so grateful to have been chosen parents of this little guy.

Well hello there...

2011-10-11T13:41:00.002-06:00

There are several facts that I can state right now that I'm sure you would agree with.

Fact: Construction is this state is rediculous!! There are orange cones, lane merger signs, busted up roads and plenty of asphalt rock chips on my beautiful white car to prove that this just isn't working out. If you need to replace asphalt every six months then maybe its time for us to start using something else. I have the WORST road rage there is and one day I'm sure I will be arrested, assaulted or thrown in jail because I've become such an aggressive driver.

Fact: The weather here sure CAN be beautiful but lately its like a pregnant woman going through hormonal changes. I know this because I was just one. I just don't get it one day its 90 degrees and a couple days later BAM snow out of nowhere. Maybe I don't have such a problem with that because its just something I've become use to however I have a problem with the constant whining that is associated with it. So mother nature is chemically imbalanced...I'm sorry but complaining about it will definitely get you no where and forgetting how to drive in the weather change might just get a drink thrown at you by yours truly so watch out.

Fact: I'm a horrible blogger. Then End.

Its been months since I've poured my thoughts onto a keyboard. Its sure laziness I tell you because if I really wanted to I could get on the laptop and take care of business. I'll make it short and update you on things that have happened since the last blog and then go into detail (for my sake really so I don't forget)

The floating baby is still appearing which at some point I will figure out how to remove it. Floating baby no more...he's real alright. Landon Jacob Gatherum arrived June 17, 2011.
Kaden is now a terrorizing 4 year old. Yep you read it 4...and the older he gets the more he tests my patience. I can recall the wise words my parents told me once. "Everything you do to us you will get worse in return with your own children" Thanks mom and dad. You always know what to say.
Equal Rights? Yes please. Except for things that come with the husband title. More details to come

Ok maybe my life is truly boring and I haven't had THAT much go on since March but whatever.

March Snow, Brings April Showers which bring May Flowers

2011-03-16T14:32:00.002-06:00

Or so they say.... Ok maybe no one really says that but me.

My floating baby says I have 103 days to go. Can you believe that? I cant. This whole thing has been just crazy. My peanut in fact has a peanut. We will soon be expecting another little boy. If he's anything like Kaden I'm in for a real treat.

Landon shall be his name. Why Landon? Well its going to be after Landon Lueck from the Real World Philadelphia, if you don't know who that is look him up. He's so good looking, and I tend to make good looking children in my opinion...so its decided. I haven't told Jeremy my reasons as to why I want to go with Landon but I don't really think it would matter.

I'm growing and its a crazy feeling. I no longer think is this really going to happen, as much as this is going to happen. I don't think I will truly believe it until he's here but I will enjoy every minute of it.

I'm up 10 lbs..which is really good for me. My goal was 15 no more than 20. I started ahead of the game so I knew I didn't want to push my weight. I'm feeling great for the most part.

I have the WORST heartburn ever. It's been even worse as of late. Maybe my child will have a lot of hair.

I know that there are a lot of things you tend to forget when its been a while. I don't really crave anything. On occasion I want a salad. Not just any salad a Cafe Rio salad. I like ice cream a lot too.

Kaden is kind of getting the idea of a new baby although I truly don't think he understands fully. I told him the other day that there was a baby in my belly, I said baby Landon is in my belly and he looked at me like I had a third eye.

He said baby Landon lived in space with Heavenly Father and we needed to get our space suit and space ship to go get him. Children are so sweet.

Haven't started on Landon's room. I got his stuff out. I have clothes, plenty of clothes and I am extremely lucky that my boys will be in the same season because I will be able to use all the clothing. I also realized I kept a lot of Kadens clothes that I am not going to use, like his spilled on onesies.

I went to the dr on the 28th of February and he stated the last 2 times that I have been there that I'm measuring ahead. What does this mean? To me not much. I'm 100% certain on my dates however he's thinking I'm 5 weeks ahead.

Well doubt it because again I'm certain with my dates.

I have a gut feeling that I'm not making it to my due date but I don't believe to be 5 weeks ahead.

I'm going on for another ultrasound on the 28th of March and see what the deal is.

Maybe I just have a big baby.

Maybe not. Kaden was average.

I'll keep ya posted.

13 more days!!!

2011-01-18T16:31:00.002-07:00

Until we find out if our peanut has a peanut.....or if we're going to have to stock up on pinks. It feels like time is flying by. Some days are better than others on time. So far so good. I went to my Dr appt about 2 weeks ago and we are right on track with a strong heartbeat. Everyday that goes by I feel like this might really happen. I really DONT care what we are having. I don't have a preference. Fo sho!! Pregnancy has been good to me I suppose. I have told myself time and time again that I will not complain and I have managed to turn every complaint into a something positive. I have been a lot sicker this time around and I'm okay with that. I'm starting to show I think then again I don't have much of a torso so I don't know where it would go. Kaden still isn't sure of whats going on.

At first he wanted to have a baby sister....but I think he thinks they come out toddlers..little does he know she will be pretty boring for a while. Then he changed his mind and said he would "hammer her". Yes this is a frequent saying my child says. Sometimes he can think violently...he wouldn't really follow through with it.

So he decided he wanted a boy. Until I told him that he could share his toys and closed and all his baby stuff. This isn't going to fly either. I told him at the end of the day he needed to decide because most likely here in a few months we would be coming home with someone and I am going to need his help. He said he would help but the baby would need to go to the potty on his own because otherwise he would need to throw up. Thanks pal.

We have been thinking about names here and there. OKAY I have been thinking about names. The other day however Jeremy said to me " I think we should be old fashioned and give our son (he's convinced its another boy) a strong name...like Bill...?? What?? Are you for real right now? BILL?? He's like yeah how about Craig?? Oh great this is getting better. He said I thought about Margaret for a girl" All right smart guy this is about the time I stop having this conversation. We've left it at that and I don't believe we will be having another name chat until time gets closer.

Christmas

2010-12-26T18:58:00.009-07:00

Merry Christmas!

Can you believe its over?? I can. It seems like December just flies by. There are birthdays and parties and get togethers and it seems like everything is on the go.

This year was no different. However it was an amazing Christmas. We have been so blessed!

And the blessings will continue on into 2011 with a new baby and a new sister in law :)

Kaden is 3 1/2 and spent his 4th Christmas. He is a little more understanding of the whole Santa Clause concept. We had my brother in law come by Christmas Eve in a Santa suit and "lay out" the presents. We woke Kaden up and tried to get him excited about Santa...except we couldnt get him to stay awake. Jeremy was so excited that Santa was coming that he forgot to put a pull up on Kaden (he's not quite night time trained). In the morning Jeremy woke up first. Must be the inner child in him and woke me up. We then went in and woke Kaden up. As Jeremy was carrying Kaden downstairs he quickly realized that if you dont put a pull up on you're going to wake up wet. I thought I was hilarious!

We then started opening presents:

Jeremy and I then proceeded to open gifts. It was awesome. I got some new perfume, a body pillow, a new curling iron, a port in my car so I can listen to my ipod (so long radio!!) some new pots and pans and a food processor and the highlight....a fetal doppler so I can listen to my babys heartbeat once a week (or so Jeremy has had me agreed to ;) .

I think I'm more excited about the doppler so it can give me a sense of comfort through my dr visits. I go in on January 4th where I will be 15 weeks. Hopefully in about 3 weeks we will findout what we are having. Things are looking good.

We are pregnant!!!

2010-12-14T13:50:00.002-07:00

Well WE aren't...but I am :)

Yes its true. I want to shout it at the top of my lungs for the whole world to hear. Unfortunately I'm being cautious about this whole thing so for now I get to yell it to my blog. I can probably count on one hand the amount of people that actually read this so I'm pretty safe.

I am currently 12 weeks pregnant with a due date of June 27. It's so surreal to me and everyday that goes by I think....is this really happening?? We are super excited and pray that it will all work out. I have been taught patience and although some would say I've waited long enough apparently time is all I have. So far so good. I have had 2 Dr appts and they have both been great. In fact I just saw the Dr last Wednesday and I saw my little bean moving around like nobodys business with a heart rate of 171bmp.

I'm still trying to take it all in and process everything. I feel like I cant get too excited but at the same time I've been trying to tell myself that I am allowed to GET excited and believe in the power of positive thinking. Kaden is super excited. He is SOOOO ready to be a big brother. He says "Mommy you have my baby sister in your tummy" I'm not sure where he gets that from but in a few weeks we will be able to know and maybe he's onto something we don't know. For now I will just continue to enjoy the days and see what happens next.

I know I know...

2010-12-14T13:47:00.003-07:00

I'm a horrible blogger..I know this.....and its confirmed to me everytime I login to my blog. Its been 3 months?? really. I'm rediculous. You dont have to tell me. I'm telling you its because the computer is in the basement and it gets super cold down there...and now my laptop doesnt like to enter properly and it eats my letters somtimes. So where am I now? I cant officially say....lets just say I dont get paid to do this...

Firm Hope

2010-09-15T20:40:00.004-06:00

"Hope is not knowledge, by rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfil His promise to us. It is confidence that if we live according to God's laws and the word of His prophets now, we will receive desired blessings in the future. It is believed and expected that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm,and patient perseverance" In the language of the gospel, this hope is sure, unwavering, and active. The prophet of old speak of a 'firm hope' and a 'lively hope'. It is a hope of glorifying Go through good works. With hope comes joy and happiness. With hope, we can have patience and bear.....out afflictions'.

-Dieter F Uchdorf, "The infinite Power of Hope" Ensign, Nov 2008.

I read this quote almost on a daily basis. The sweet nurses with the Eager study shared it with me and I will hold it close to me for years to come. I'm not sure who all reads this or who I have shared this with or not but I figured for the most part I'm an open book and if I'm asked something most likely I will share and if you choose not to ask me most likely will share.

I started the Eager study with the University of Utah back in February. It is short for the Effects of Aspirin in Gestation and Early Reproduction. In short it's studies the effect of baby aspirin. Now I had heard from several people who have taken aspirin while trying to conceive but I didn't think much of it. I also felt like I wanted to try it but like most things I need to be pushed to try new things. I decided to try it out anyways. So I went in for the initial consultation which was getting a lot of paperwork and history. For the first 2 months I took pee samples and froze them. Yes you read that right...I saved them. You can imagine how excited my husband was as he was going for a delicious Popsicle and there is my frozen pee just hanging out.

Along with collecting urine samples I've had to pee in a cup at which point I stick an ovulation test in there..wait for it to absorb and then stick it in my fertility monitor. I then wait for it to tell me where I am in my cycle. Low is generally right after my cycle, high is when its reading I'm getting close and of course peak which generally means I'm ovulating, ovulated or will ovulate. I've learned to read the signs of my body. The woman is a very complex individual. I've had my ups and downs. I got pregnant on my second month on the study and miscarried at 6 weeks.

I'm not understanding what the problem here is. I'm not broken. I can get pregnant and Jeremy isn't broken. It's timing. Timing is everything. Some people spend years taking this that and the other in order to avoid pregnancy...praying month after month that if their monthly visitor would show up that they promise they will be more careful next time....running to the bathroom hoping that there is something there. The last 2 years I've done the exact opposite. I've obsessed month after month. Negotiating if I could please just have another child I would be at peace. I cant even begin to tell you how many pregnancy tests I've taken or how much money I have spent on them. Trying to conceive when all you want to have is a sweet child by you is an illness. It consumes your every waking moment. People tell you not to worry, not to stress out even to the point of saying when you stop trying that's when it will happen...well i hate to burst your bubble but you have to try...at least I do. Contrary to popular belief I am not blessed with any special powers.

Get to the point?
Whats my point? My point is I cant obsess with this anymore. I cannot see how many days away I'm from ovulating. I cant talk in TTC code (trying to conceive) I cant ask myself was cycle day I'm on. I cant continue to think negative...even though I show a positive outside. I really really really have to let it go. I'm going to have to force myself to concentrate on something else. I have given myself a weight loss goal. I'm going to start small. 15 lbs by the end of the year. I'm not sure yet how I'm going to do it but I am determined. I want to start feeling good about myself. I want to look at myself and think I am in a good place right now. So here is to some new things to look forward to...

Hello Fall

2010-08-25T18:31:00.002-06:00

One of the things that I enjoy the very most is Fall & Spring...

I love the spring weather...planting flowers (or in my case thinking about planting them), mother natures attempt at warmer weather the fact that its a renewal of something. Its like a fresh start. Almost feels like the year officially starts in the spring. Of course we live in Utah and we haven't had the greatest springs lately but none the less I enjoy that time of the year.

I love the fall....LOVE LOVE LOVE!! I love the turning of the colors, the changing weather, the family gatherings its like a kick off to Christmas which is one of my favorite holidays- that and the fact that my birthday is in December- I love the fact that the sun sets at an earlier time...

Which brings me to my next rant....I don't know how on earth I ever stayed up until weee hours of the day doing who knows what. I'm only 27 and I'm feeling like an old lady. Have me up past 10 and I'm not even actually there...not to mention the next morning I'm a total wreck! Getting Kaden to fall asleep at 8:30 in the summer is impossible. The child is set on waking up when the sun does and goes night night when the sun sets. It's a terrible fight to have in the summer when the sun doesn't set until 10.

The last couple of days have been heavenly. The sun has set by 8:30 and I'm able to convince my sweet child its time for bed. We've had a bedtime routine for as long as he's been around. We have dinner, play a little, bath time, hangout time with mom in our bed (bad habit I know) and then we go to his room, pray a little, play a little (flashcards have been his latest obsession) and lights out. We've been able to be IN bed by 9 and for me asleep by 9:30. I know what you're thinking....WHAT IS SHE THINKING? I know right...I might as well check myself into a nursing home. Its what I do. Go to bed early. In my defense, I do get up at 5:30 just to make sure I get out of the house on time....8:30 doesn't sound like such a bad idea now does it...

I went to my eAger appt...for those that don't know (I doubt really there is anyone out there that reads this blog ;) I'm participating in this study at the University of Utah of the effects of baby aspirin in gestation and reproduction....pretty much it sums it up that research shows baby aspirin helps with conception and gestation as it thins out blood which makes it flow through the necessary organs.... so I'm on month 6 of the study. I was able to conceive on month 2 and had a miscarriage at 6 weeks...they call it a chemical pregnancy. Month 6 is the last month and I'm hoping we can get'er done.

One of the questions they as me is how much caffeine to do you consume and although I am not a fan of coffee I am massively addicted to Diet Coke (DC) and I have to give it up....and that's about all I have to say. So today day 2 of no DC....I'm surviving, I might start tweaking out but if it means it helps in conceiving I'm down.

I'm turning a new leaf

2010-08-18T13:32:00.003-06:00

I'm a horrible blogger....

Yes its true..I will admit I'm horrible at something....

I wouldn't expect to hear that form me in person.

What a summer. It feels like we had a late start to summer because of the rain...and coldness we experienced in May & June. Its now the middle of July and I can honestly say summer needs to slow down. We've managed to:

Go to El Salvador (Kaden and I)- I also have to admit I'm horrible at taking pictures. I guess I'm just always caught up in the moment that I forget to capture the moments. It was an amazing trip. We spent a lot of the time swimming, the beach and just plain hanging out. It was nice to visit with friends and family and not have to worry about things. Being in a country like El Salvador you forget all about time. Things seem to be so layed back....like there isn't a care in the world. Time slows down. I thought about moving there with Kaden and just living life careless...and then I snapped out of whatever fantasy dream land I was in. I will continue to go there as often as I can. I think its great diversity for Kaden and I want him to be well rounded and know about his mom culture as much as he can. He even picked up some Spanish...it was really neat.

Potty training: Kaden has been working on potty training. I cant say I've pushed it much. After a few pees and poos on the carpet I decided I was going to put a kabosh on things. Thus the reason why I refuse to have pets.....I will not clean it up. The thing that gets me is HE KNOWS- he knows what he's doing. I changed him over to pull ups in hopes that he would take it serious. In the process I think he just saw it as I have really cool underwear that catch my pee because I'm too busy to potty. So about a month ago I was running low on pull ups and I decided to go cold turkey -minus night time training- again the kid knows what he's doing...he's had a few accidents here and there but for the most part he's been dry. This of course makes me giddy with joy because we are progressing. He still doesn't poop in the potty consistently. In fact he enjoys going in the shower but you don't want to hear those stories.

Camping trips: We haven't done much camping this year. I don't know if its just because of time or because we just don't want to? Our trailer was being stored on a friends property in South Jordan. Well 11400 was being worked on and so we were unable to get the trailer out for our 4th of July outing. We decided to go up to the spruces and tent it. It was my second time tenting it and Kadens first. Lets just say its really really hard to tent it once you have a trailer. It was actually a lot of fun considering the circumstances and I was glad it was close. Kaden had a lot of fun sleeping in his little sleeping bag and playing in the dirt. It was just Kaden, Jeremy and I and Jeremys parents Cindy and Doug. Jason, Elisa, Connor & Megan came up on Sunday for dinner and hung out for a bit. I must say I do enjoy camping. I just don't like all the work it takes to get ya out there. None the less it was super fun. We also have ventured out to Fish Lake. That was a short quick weekend trip and I don't think it was worth the 4 hour drive for 1 day of camping...but that's how us Gatherums roll.

Bear Lake: We made out annual Bear Lake this past weekend and it was amazing. I got so much sun and all the kiddies had to much fun. We pretty much played in the water all weekend. I have to say though I'm so tired. I need a day just to catch up on sleep, and laundry and everything else.

OK this is a start to blogging..its not much but its something. I have a few other posts that I've started and haven't finished.

Tickets and Traffic School

2010-03-16T21:15:00.002-06:00

Dear Mr. Officer-

I got a ticket in January. Its not something that I'm proud of but whatever. I'm down with cops....to protect and serve. I'm not down with stalkers who sit on 4100 South and Bangerter. Furthermore I didn't appreciate you asking me if it was my car. I'm sure you didn't appreciate me telling you no but let me remind you, you were the reason why I was pulled over on the side of the road. I really think you gave me the ticket because I got sassy and told you that the leinholder owned the car. So then you tell me you're going to go "check things out" and you come back with a ticket? I should have said "Am I you're 20th?" but no I took it like a good citizen. I then am inconvenienced by having to go into the court to pay my fine. Yes the $105.00 ticket. Which I showed up to pay on a Friday, apparently I've been out of the news because I had to clue that they were closed. Well whoopidedooooo I guess I will come back on Monday. I then go back on Monday only to be told traffic school was an additional $35.00. I'd be curious to know senor Policia where this money is going to. The roads in WVC suck and even though its my stompin grounds it still remains GHETTO. Moving on...so then I go to this traffic school where I learned NOTHING on not speeding. Although its self explanatory to follow the posted speed limits they are recommendations ;) and I learned NOTHING in traffic school. I will be happy to announce that in order to avoid that fiasco I have been more conscientious at watching my speed...or at least looking out for you and your friends.

My best regards,

SG

Vacation here we come

2010-03-16T21:01:00.005-06:00

Kaden and I will be taking a trip to El Salvador in May. We are super excited. Unfortunately Jeremy is staying behind because he just cant take the time. US on the other hand could use a little time off so we're looking forward to it. Let me just share some images with you from the last time we went. Who needs an alarm system when you could have a security system BUILT into your walls?? Yes those are the tops of glass bottles. I couldn't tell you how effective they are but you see them often.
Yup that's my little chubbers taking a bath in a bowl with the hose. Hot water is unheard of unless its boiled. Fresh fruit everywhere. The warm beach water....awww just thinking about it makes me want to giggle. I will post pics as soon as we get back

Lets rewind

2010-03-16T20:50:00.005-06:00

Christmas 2009 was amazing. It was Kadens 3rd Christmas however it was his first Christmas as a "big boy" where he actually understood the fabricated version of Christmas. We'll wait another year or two before we actually explain the reality of the situation. He was super excited. Ironically out of all the gifts he received the $5 dollar one was his favorite. We had a great holiday season with our families and it made us realized just how amazing our families really are. We kept it really plain and simple this year trying not to splurge on things we didn't need. When I was growing up (coming from a hardcore Catholic Family) there was no Santa. It just wasn't something that I grew up with so it's been quite an adjustment for me to make the whole Santa thing work. Furthermore we grew up getting a couple of little gifts and one big item of some sort. Jeremy on the other hand has always had some pretty luxurious Christmases so it makes it hard to try to meet in the middle.

So much for blogging more

2010-03-16T20:42:00.002-06:00

I know I had mentioned that I was going to blog more. The truth is I'm a terrible blogger. One because I hate going down into the basement where our desktop is. Its cold down there and the treadmill is down there. Its a constant reminder of the fact that I have failed once again at keeping my new years resolutions. The second reason is because somehow I managed to lock myself out of my laptop- I'm not really sure how that happened because I set it up. Not only did I set it up but I tried to keep my password secret from Jeremy in hopes that he wouldn't hack into my computer :)

Apparently that backfired because I had NO clue what my password was. OR like I tell Jeremy I KNOW the password....something is up with my laptop. He ended up doing his magic this weekend and was able to unlock it. Sometimes I think that maybe this was all part of some master plan of his. Either way I'm glad its unlocked.

AHHH What the freak!!

2010-02-14T20:51:00.004-07:00

Here is my rant for the day....Do you recognize this person???

For those that have been out of sync with the world this is Thomas Beatie, a transgendered man who chose to become pregnant because his wife was infertile. I was checking out my PEOPLE.com updates and found out that he is yet again expecting their third child. I had to stop for a moment and scream...WHAT THE FREAK. Not because he's transgendered and he is bringing a third child into their already crazy world but because he's been able to have 2 in the time it's taking me to even bring one more into the world. It's getting a little more frustrating this situation of mine. I know what you're thinking, you're time will come Sue. Well it's not and sadly its almost been a year since I lost my peanut and I don't feel anymore relaxed then I did then. Some of you may think you're stressing yourself out. No...I'm not. I have pretty much left in the Heavenly Fathers hands as to when my time will come. But it's only human that i feel these emotions of frustration like its never going to happen to me. Secondary Infertility is difficulty conceiving after already having conceived (and either carried the pregnancy to term, or had a miscarriage). I took my 5th dosage of clomid this month. I am 100% sure it didnt work. I'm sad, angry, depressed, greatful and every other emotion you want to throw in the mix.

I am so greatful to have been blessed with Kaden. NEVER think otherwise. Having children is one of the most wonderful experiences you will ever have. Being a mother is one of the best JOBS you will ever have and it will be more rewarding than anything you will ever experience. And I question. Why cant I have more? WHY WHY WHY? ok really I thnk I'm done with my fit :)

I know I know

2010-01-31T22:24:00.002-07:00

I know I've been MIA for a while. I decided I didn't have much to report on. I don't think this is an official post...more of letting you know that I will be starting to post some more... even though there are only like 2 of you that really read this. I figured out that I have a lot on my mind, anyone who knows me knows I talk a lot. I have a lot to say. I think it will help me express this kept anger/frustration/happiness/sadness...well you get it. Anyhow it's pretty late for me at least.....I decided to dust off the old laptop and get things rolling again. I hope you all are doing well and I will keep ya posted real soon...

Our neighbors moved!!!!

2009-11-11T16:54:00.003-07:00

I'm happy to report that my no good neighbors have moved!!! Why am I so excited you ask? Let me take you back 3 years ago.

We moved to Salt Lake from Tooele after 5 months because the commute for Jeremy was terrible. He was working up in North Ogden and pretty much was driving 4 hours out of his day. When we first got married Tooele was all we qualified for especially since Jeremy had only been working for 5-6 months since he got home from his mission, they only took in my income. We were expecting and wanted to be closer to home in case of an emergency. Our neighbors to the north were of an asian decent. Very nice people. They came over immediatly after we moved in and offered us large garbage bags, always waved and looked like good people. This was in December.

Well February came by and after a huge snow storm we noticed a moving truck outside of their house. At first we were like they cant be moving there hasnt been a For Sale sign no worries....then we noticed a lot of cars with California tags. Well this was somewhat after the holiodays so we figured it was family visiting....except these California cars never left. Again we didnt think much of it. Kaden came in May and I was in the house for the greater part of my maternity leave. By the time I returned to work it was August. I noticed that their teenage kids spent a lot of time in the garage. Not sure what they did to this date but they were starers. I'd drive up to my driveway and pretty sure they would be there looking....

They cooked crawfish at wee hours of the morning, Jeremy and I would wake up to the sounds to a smoke detector alarm ringing in their home. And the smell would lurk over into our garage... They were not very nice. We were heartbroken that our old neighbors had moved and we didn't even know. Our new neighbors were asain so it's not like that would have given it away.

I'll speed up this story.....So come September 12, 2008 Jeremy came home from work. He was doing something in the garage and didn't come in the house until about 5-10 minutes after he'd pull in the driveway. When he walked in the door he noticed our back patio door wide open. The looked up into the kitchen and noticed the fridge door was open. So he called me while I was at work and asked me if I'd been home that day. I said no. He said are you sure you didn't leave the backdoor open or the fridge? I told him no. he ran upstairs to find our room an absolute mess. Clothes everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. I wouldn't be surprised if they were trying stuff on.

They took Jeremy's guns, his ammo, his laptop. They took our Wii, our Entertainment Center, games, jewelry.....About $8500.00 worth of stuff. Thank goodness for Homeowners Insurance we were able to replace a lot of our things...the one that hurt the most was Jeremy's laptop. There were a lot of Kadens pictures that we hadn't backed up....and the camcorder had a lot of Kadens little videos...first steps...first words...and that cant be replaced.

They lied, cheated and stole from us. I know it was them because a friend of theirs confirmed it to a relative of mine. Police say that's hear say so they weren't able to do anything about it.

Do you know how violated you feel after someone who wasn't invited into your home touches your items??

Needless to say it's been really nice to not be intimidated the last couple of weeks! Heavenly Father heard our prayers.

*My intentions were not to offend by stating the race of my neighbors FYI.

Busy is as busy does.....

2009-11-11T16:27:00.006-07:00

I know I know I'm terrible at this blogging business I have going on. Its been about 2 months and no posts. Mostly because I've been lazy....I'd call it busy but I don't have much to show for it. I started a post and stopped for mommy duties and never got back on to continue on..I did kind of revise them today and published them..... I don't even have a good excuse.

The computer is in the basement. The coldest spot in the house. I cant see much when I'm down here. I can hear the washer and dryer and I can hear the TV. I cant however SEE or HEAR much from Kaden which 90% of the time means he's up to no good. Jeremy got me a laptop for my birthday and we are a wireless router....so I don't know what my beef is.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don't have much to report. But I am going to do my best to go back the last few months and report on whats been going on.

It seems like the months are FLYING by and I cant seem to get a grip on things. Halloween came and went. Kaden was a pirate this year.

This wasn't easy I tell ya. I decided that he was going to be a pirate months before. I saw this cute costume at Old Navy and he'd been watching the pirate episode of the Backyardigans over and over and over again that I figured he would be fine with it. When I first tried it on him it seemed a little big. But I figured we had 2 months and he'd fit it in. Kaden has a phenomenal memory....no really....it's almost FREAKISH! One day while I was trying to get him ready I asked him "Are you ready to be a pirate?" His response "No Mommy I want to be Frankenstein." I was like where did you get that from at which he responded that Frankenstein was in the laundry room. Well I'll be darned. Frankenstein HAS been hanging up in my laundry room for the last year as this is what he was last year... How he knew that is beyond me the kid doesn't go in there very often. So he insisted on being Frankenstein.

We met half ways. I agreed to let him wear Frankenstein to a family Halloween party if he wore his Pirate costume on Halloween.

This is my nephew Connor, my soon to be niece someday hopefully Taylor and my son Frankenstein. Aren't they just the cutest.???

Falling into a New Season....

2009-09-28T18:38:00.003-06:00

YAY!!! Fall is here. My favorite time of the year. The colors change. The weather changes and we get ready for the winter. Odd isn't it. How excited we get about the trees dying?? Don't get me wrong the fall weather is lovely and watching the leaves change colors is great but fall is kind of depressing if ya think about it. The flowers die, the lawn turns yellow and I have to find creative ways of keeping a 2 year old busy....I'm not going to lie but I'm not looking forward to it.

Let's see whats happened in almost 2 months....

It's been 6 months since we lost our bean. We have been trying every month since. Well I decided to go to the DR and get checked out. Everything seems fine...except for the part where I don't ovulate. That can be a problem when you're trying to catch an egg every month. My Dr told me we would try our 1st round of 50 gram clomid and see if that helps...kind of like a jump start to a dead battery....except I'm not dead or a battery but it seems as though my woman parts need to a wake up. This appt took place at the end of August. So he pretty much said...wait until your aunt flow come by and then you can start taking it. This was a nice though...although I'm anything but normal when it comes to AF. So I waited......and waited.....and waited.....pretty sure she doesn't want to show her face. So I had to call my Dr about 2 weeks ago and told him apparently she got lost somewhere...and hasn't come by. He then prescribed me Provera. Now I had heard somethings about it and call me crazy....but that's exactly what it made me feel like. I've been such an emotional wreck. It made me sick. Everything made me cry....but I survived and AF came over the weekend. I guess all I needed to do was go camping she had no problem showing up then. Either way I didn't care I just wanted her to come so I can move on. Tomorrow will be my first day on clomid. There is an 80% chance that I will ovulate. It's up to Jeremy and I to make sure we catch an egg this month.

I have to admit that this is a problem I kind of thought I was going to have and I thought I may have gotten lucky. My mom had infertility problems and I knew what the odds were. There are pretty big gaps between my younger brothers and I. I am 27 (or so I hear) and I have a brother that's 17 (or so he will be) and another that just turned 11. I knew that I wanted to get on the ball alot sooner than my parents did because if I was going to have infertility issues I wanted to get help sooner than later.... Jeremy practically looked at me and I got pregnant with Kaden. So I didn't think much of it. I took the BC 2 months before we got married and then stopped once we did. This time I've been off BC for about 15 months which has been a nice savings of $450.00 so I cant complain but it's definitely been a rough road getting here. Jeremy and I are pretty healthy people. I define healthy as not having any medical problems although we both have a few things we can improve on. He has to gain weight and I need to loose some. I think it's a combination between getting pregnant, loosing the baby and burying my sorrows in food that has caused me to be unhappy with the way I look and it also may be a contributing factor as to why we cant conceive. I think I am just ranting and raving now....I know that it will happen when it needs to happen. I know that perhaps the reason why I had a miscarriage was because my baby needed a body. I know that there is a plan and I just have to be patient....PATIENCE SUCKS :) enough said. I will keep you posted on this Clomid adventure. Hopefully it will happen in the next 3 months...and if not then we will continue to try with something else...after all time is all I have.

Children make us who we are

2009-08-09T12:56:00.003-06:00

As you all know Jeremy and I had an anniversary this week and my lovely mother in law offered to take Kaden for us this weekened. We decided to do things here in the valley. Last year we went to Vegas and had a blast however just like everyone else we are trying to watch our pennies.

It's been fun. We've slept in, the house has remained clean. There have been no pooppy diapers to change, no fights on who has to give Kaden a bath. Our lives are crazy now. They are hectic. It feels like we are constantly on the go. And even with all that turmoil going on...........We wouldnt change it for anything in the world.

We love Kaden so much. He brings so much light into our lives. All weekened we've been thinking about him and the things that he does to make us smile. I think having children is one of the most selfless acts a woman makes. To give your all to this little person is beyong amazing. You become a different person. The one that makes things better. I am truly grateful for Kaden and his sweet spirit....and not I'm not talking about his dirty diapers...more of the feeling I get when I see him and I'm around him to be a better person...if not for me...for him....

Happy Anniversary!!!

2009-08-05T09:10:00.006-06:00

Jeremy and I met the summer of 1998. We both worked at a local grocery store. I think we can both say it wasn't love at first sight. To him I was a prissy princess and I thought he was a ceramic making, Honda civic lover. We both went to different schools. I went to Granger High and he went to Bingham. He did however have an interest in my BF at the time and I thought his friend was pretty studly too (at the time :) ). We started hanging out as friends all of us the summer of 2000. I had just graduated and he was getting ready for his senior year. As things withered away with my BF and things between his friend and I became to a halt we started hanging out...ALOT. I left to NY to hang out with my friend for New Years Eve and when I came back things just weren't the same. My "friend" was acting awfully weird. Next thing you know we were dating. In August of 2003 Jeremy left to go on his mission. He served in Lubbock Texas. I went to school at the U while he was gone. I had a lot of time to figure out who I was. I made mistakes and learned from them. I truly believe that it only made us stronger. He returned July 2005. Things pretty much picked up where they left off.

One day out of the blue he suggested we go take a look at rings. I didn't make much out of it on the outside but on the inside I was SOOOOOO thirilled. I picked one out and he picked a band out. Now the waiting began........

Jeremy proposed to me May 25, 2006 while I was camping with his family at Strawberry Reservoir. We had all just finished up eating dinner and we were getting ready to play a game. Jason his brother then proceeds to ask his mom for snacks. I'm thinking SHEESH. Do you boys ever STOP eating? So his mom offered me a box of Cracker Jacks. I declined after all we had JUST finished dinner!!! Jeremy then took the box for me and kept in on the table. Then he started hinting...Are you sure you don't want any?? I kept saying now. Finally after about 5 minutes I said FINE. I look inside and low and behold. I see MY RING!!!! and I started saying that. THATS MY RING, THATS MY RING!!! He then got on one knee and asked me to marry him. OF course I said YES!!!!
We had chosen the date of November 4, 2006. Pretty sure that didn't last long. We decided there was no reason to wait that long. So we moved the date to August 5, 2006. We were sealed at the Salt Lake Temple and I must say that every day since has been an adventure. PS. 9 months later Kaden arrived......I was called Bahama Mamma for a while.

I love him. He makes me angry. He never picks up after himself. His shoes stink. He loves leaving beard hair all over the sink. He likes to walk around naked. His tools are always hanging out around the house. I typically have to nag him to get things done for me. He's super lazy. Occasionally he leaves the toilet seat up. He's taken over the garage and I can barely park my car in there. Even after all of his faults. I love him. He's a great daddy to Kaden and he's a great husband to me. He works hard for his money so he can provide to us. He's a great example to Kaden. I cant imagine being with anyone else! I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with and he does it every day. I know I drive him crazy, but we are in this together for Time and all Eternity......I love you!!

Dear Future Generations of America...

2009-08-04T07:10:00.002-06:00

I've become my parents. I've realized the older I get the "less cool" I am turning out to be and the more I am sounding like my parents, heck you can almost say I am sounding like my grandparents with the " Back in my day there was no google"

MEN/BOYS of the future generations,

I don't know WHEN you stopped caring how you looked but its getting ridiculous. For the love of all that's holy, take off the girl jeans and wear your own. Please cut your hair. I saw this cute little boy underneath all that fluff today and I wanted nothing more than to go over there and get my clippers out. You look ridiculous with that large shirt and those skinny jeans. At least PRETEND like you shower. You look dirty!

WOMEN/GIRLS of the future generations,

I don't know WHEN you lowered your standards. You're a cute girl don't get me wrong. Take OFF those skinny jeans and throw them in the garbage, better yet donate them to a good cause. They don't look good. Although you're skinny enough to wear them, they are ugly. And who is this guy you are walking with? I mean seriously did you let him borrow your jeans? Also please cover up. I don't want to see your love handles and if you bend over and pick something up I don't want to see your lady chacha. Now I know you've seen the amazing bump it on TV but that doesn't give you the right to make your hair look like a hive. WHAT is wrong with these kids??

What the H...It's already August?!?!?!?

2009-07-30T20:19:00.003-06:00

I don't know about you but for me this year has completely flown by. SCARY!!!!!It is almost August!!! Not much has gone on for us, just keeping busy with the summer. We went to Bear Lake and had the funnest time. We surely needed an outing. The water was great, the weather was nice and of course it was good times spending time with friends and family.
I love getting on the wave runners. Something about going fast makes me smile. Maybe in a previous life I was a bird....or maybe it explains why I had so many speeding tickets. I don't know but what I do know is it was fun.
Kaden is getting bigger and bigger everyday. I think he's trying to tell me he is ready for potty training. The kid wont keep his diaper on him. Now it's one thing if it itches or it hurts but he clearly does it for pleasure. YUCK! Saying it makes me cringe but it's true. I keep trying to tell myself that my child is not a perv and it's normal. Now I don't have a problem with an occasional adjustment however the child is ALWAYS touching his junk. A funny...yet not so funny story....if you have weak stomachs DO NOT READ. About 2 weeks ago I was struggling with Kaden keeping his diaper on so I said fine....you don't want a diaper then you will have to wear boy panties (I need to just say underwear but I just cant.) so for about 2-3 hours I kept asking him if he needed to go potty....he would say no....I would ask if his pants are dry...he would say yes. I was thinking we were actually making improvement. So I sit on the couch to fold some laundry and I hear liquid.....some like liquid hitting the floor....hmm did he spill his drink you ask?? NO he peed on the carpet. This resulted in immediate time out. By this time I had had it....
After a few minutes of calming down and trying to think rational I decided it was going to be time for bed soon so instead of putting on a diaper I would just put a pull up on him. So we are doing the routine questions yadda yadda. Jeremy went out to the garage to work on something and shut the door behind him leaving a screaming child who wanted to join daddy.....so he's sitting there crying....by the door in hopes that someone would rescue the damsel in distress........yet no one comes for him. I decide to leave him alone most of the times when he's having these sensitive moments...mostly because I cannot deal with whinos. So he's quiet for a while and I ask Kaden??? What are you doing.....so he comes over to me and says Mommmy.....PASTA :)...I look at his had and ask What is on your hand?? I smell.....and what do I realize this so called PASTA is???? POOOOOOOOP.
The wiseguy had taken a dump in his diaper which explained the quietness.....then proceeds to put his hands down his backside just to realize he wants to play with his POOP. What happens next you don't want to know. However I must say I will never view pasta the same again.

Things that make me super happy

2009-07-08T21:19:00.008-06:00

Camping!!!!!!So last week we cancelled out camping trip because the weatherman said it was going to rain. Well to BIG shocker it didnt rain, in fact it was a great weekened. So we've decided that we would turn our frowns upside down and go camping this weekend. It's settled we are going to Strawberry this Friday. This makes me happy. I L<3ve>

SUNSHINE!!!!!!!! I love the weather that we've been having. I need me some sunshine. Dont get me wrong I enjoy the spring/winter season but it's been so nice to let Kaden play outside. There is only so much you can do indoors with a 2 year old.

So You Think You Can Dance?? How come when I shake what my momma gave me it doesnt look as good as when these guys and gals do it? These are by far my favorite dancers of this season in no particular order. I just love them. They have so much talent. Dance is such an amazing form of art. You can express yourself and just completly let go. This for sure makes me happy!

Diet Coke...mmmm enough said. I better go get me one now.

Christmas is ruined

2009-07-02T20:36:00.003-06:00

When I look up the definition of a Calendar it reads:

1.
a table or register with the days of each month and week in a year: He marked the date on his calendar.
2.
any of various systems of reckoning time, esp. with reference to the beginning, length, and divisions of the year. Compare Chinese calendar, Gregorian calendar, Hindu calendar, Jewish calendar, Julian calendar, Muslim calendar.
3.
a list or register, esp. one arranged chronologically, as of appointments, work to be done, or cases to be tried in a court.
4.
a list, in the order to be considered, of bills, resolutions, etc., brought before a legislative body.
5.
Obsolete.

I checked my 2009 calendar and it said that June 21,2009 well I regret to inform you that my calendar LIED!!!!!!! It is July 2, 2009. As of right now I should be in our truck, pulling our trailer, driving through Heber City heading to Strawberry Reservoir. Instead I am sitting here updating my blog (which isn't a bad thing) watching reruns of 30 rock (which is Hilarious by the way).

WHY are you at home Sue do you ask?

Because the rain once again has manage to rain on my parade. Once again? YES once again. Remember when I went to Flaming Gorge during Memorial Day Weekend? RAINED out. It was miserable. The kids (my nephew and Kaden & the male adults) were stuck in the trailer. We were really excited Monday....we were making plans and packing & making sure we had everything covered for this trip. Then the clouds opened up and the rain gods said I HATE YOU ALFALFA (or in this case SUE) and down came the rain.

So I ask if anyone knows HOW I can get it to permanently stay sunny please let me know. We have our Bear Lake trip planned for the 24Th of July and I will be DARNED if it rains on me again.

All the things past

2009-06-10T18:48:00.007-06:00

So not much has gone around here. We initiated out camping season by going out to Flaming Gorge aka "The Gorge" for all those fancy shmanchy peeps. I love the first camping trip of the year....wait no.... I hate the first camping trip of the year. We get really excited because it signifies spring...or transitioning to summer...I'm not sure but we do look forward to Memorial Day Weekend. HOWEVER, years past including the present....we've been blessed with rain. A massive amount of it. So much that we came home early. It was great to spend time with our family and it was fun to spend time with my little niece. It's been therapeudic to have her here. Almost like I gained a baby with a loss..hopefully that makes sense. Kaden continues to amaze us. His grasp of vocabulary is awesome. In fact he talks ALOT. I believe he takes that after me. I'm down with that.

Work is work. Lots to do not enough time. The same thing day in and out and of course along come the office politics. I love those. I try not to let the work stresses to me but it's hard to find a balance when I'm work longer than I am at home. Making sure I have enough time for my family is getting a little overwhelming. I feel like I am missing out on the little things that Kaden does not to mention I get behind on the cleaning and laundry and of course cooking is non existant at this point. I'm going to try to be a little better at those things. I've kind of had some Debbie Downer moments the last few weeks. Almost like I feel sorry for myself and I know I have nothing to feel bad about in fact I should be greatful at the things that I have. I feel like I've been stressing an awful lot about conceiving another baby...which takes me to my next rant.

I think I am really struggling with the fact that I'm going to be 27 this year. I know I know it's still "young" but still it worries me. I've always wanted to have a large family, mainly because I come from a family of 3 siblings. Manny is 16 (yep a 10 year age difference) and Danny who just turned 11 (I know it was a shocker to me too that my parents were still doing THAT at 40) so my dream was to have a large family I would say about 10. Along side with that goal I told myself I didnt want to be an old mom with a young child because I see the trials my mom has to go through and I know children taken ALOT of time and ENERGY. So here I am 26 and one child. DONT get me wrong. I am greatful that I have a child and I've experienced motherhood but I want more. I want to have a group of little chilllins walking around and calling me mommy. The sweestest word to me. I went through a lot of emotions when we lost our little one. I was MAD so MAD at the world. Why me? Why can so and so get pregnant, she didnt even want kids or Why can so and so get pregnant shes underage.Oh yes and not to mention that MOST of my friends (which isnt alot) are pregnant (which I am realllllyhappy and excited for) I made it once again into a me thing. I have to take a stop and take a few steps back.

I have come to terms with the fact that things will happen when they are meant t happen. My Kitchen will be clean when I mop my floors, my laundry will be done when I stop wearing clothes or do it and I will have a baby when I get one. So much for planning :) ALLright Debbie Downer moment over.

We've been blessed with ran the last few days and I LOOOOVVVVE it. I think I was meant to live in a tropical jungle or something. Me JANE you TARZAN. What was their little ones name? But really? I want some sun. I want summer to get here. I want to go outside and play with Kaden..I dont think he remembers he got a pool for his birthday...cause if he knew I'd be in trouble. He's used it once! Well thats all for now.

Happy Birthday Kaden!!

2009-05-18T21:57:00.017-06:00

Dear Kaden-

On the night of May 14th, 2007, Daddy had a talk with you and said "Son, I really don't want to go to work tomorrow...so if you can come before 4:30am I would appreciate it" So I went to bed and woke up at about 3:45ish to realize my water had broke. So your Daddy took me to the hospital to wait for your arrival. As you can see we were really happy for your arrival. So we waited.....and waited and waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiited. Yes. I looked lovely that day. The day before I burned myself with the curling iron. And believe it or not but I was the hottest attraction since Lagoon opened up. EVERYONE wanted to take pictures. So we continued to wait. We started thinking that maybe it was an accident. Maybe you were too busy exploring your home that you accidentally poked a hole in your home but you had no intent to come out. At about 815ish...pm (about 16 hours later, the dr said we could keep waiting or we could do a c section. You werent under any stress so he figured you just didnt want to come out. And so we decided to go through with it. 15 minutes later.....May 15, 2007 @8:41pm you came through 7lbs 2 oz & 19 inches long..

This is what we call the "SUPRISE" shot. You seemed like you were so BLAHHH. Alright people I'm out now what??
You were so handsome from the day you came out. Just Perfect. So yea. You continued to grooow. And grooow.
You loved to laugh & smile. You loved to eat from a small age. Hmm dont know where you get that from.
You learned to sit and crawl and babble...Then you turned the big O.N.E

You love to be outdooors. You took your first steps shortly after you turning one. You love to play in the water. You love hanging out with Daddy.You like getting into things......And I know you're just a boy and thats what you do.

You've been such a blessing in our lives. You sweet spirit and your sweet smile inspires me to be a better person and a better example to you. We love you so much and hope you had a super scooooba bday!! You're finally two!

Growing up fast

2009-04-29T21:57:00.005-06:00

So I figured no one reads my blog and I'm okay with that. I feel like it's mostly for me and my writing purposes since I know I cant keep a journal to save my life. It feels like the weeks have been flying by. The spring weather is beggining to show and hopefully in the next couple of weeks summer will be here. It's taken me a while to accept the fact that my little boy no longer is a baby. He will be 2 next month and I want to hold on to him forever. I've realized though the older he gets the funner he is. Every child is fun and you learn to treasure the moments. When they are babies you can't wait for them to crawl, when they reach that level of accomplishment you then wish for them to walk, somewhere in between you want them to talk. There comes a point however where you want them to stop. I've reached that point. Kaden is so independent sometimes. He likes to be left alone. He gets that from me. Tell me what to do and I will do it. I like to work by myself. I always hated group projects. He's for sure my little explorer. He has to know how things work. I've learned real quick if he's quiet then he's up to no good. He curses the thought of sitting in his high chair. He has to sit with us at the table and although I hate cleaning the floor everytime he eats he wants to be there. Same thing with his bed. We moved him to a toddler bed at 18 months. My child HATED his crib with a passion. Setting him down was like prison. He struggled the first night on his bed (Jeremy decided to build him a bed, little did he know that there was going to be about 6 inches between the side of the bed and the wall. We laid Kaden down and about midnight I hear this "Mommy...Mommy" of course I ignored it since I thought he just wanted to be picked up. At about 3am or so this continued. I finally got out of bed and went into his room and found him wedged in between the wall and the bed. As soon as I opened the door he sd "Stuck". I felt really bad like I had neglected him or something) but after that issue he's loved his bed. He doesn't like to hold my hand or anyone elses for that matter. He likes to walk on his own and just wander. He doesnt need me to feed himself although I try to do this mostly because half the meal ends up on the floor than in his mouth but he still makes it clear by saying "No help mama". I think about how hard life will be for my little one and how I wont always be there to keep him from getting hurt or making the wrong decisions. It's a strange relationshiop this mother and son thing. Something so amazing that no other person other than a mom can understand. I'm greatful for him. For his wonderful smile and his sweet spirit. The reason I live for. Perhaps Heavenly Father will bless us again. Jeremy and I are starting again in hopes that we can be blessed with another baby until then I cherish every minute I have with Kaden.

When will this forsaken winter peace out

2009-03-26T21:15:00.002-06:00

Dear Damon Yauney<3

Look I'm down for winter. The lovely snowman, the sledding, Christmas & cocoa. HOWEVER It's March for petes sake. I just cannot accept the fact that it's normal to go from 70's to 30's within a weeks frame. Last week I'm wearing flip flops and capris, this week I'm wearing my winter coat. Please look at your magic 8 ball since all of your forecasts have been wrong and ask it for spring to return :) PS Your amaizingly good looking.

I guess it's human nature to complain. Especially about the weather. I guess I dont have a problem so much with the changes. I do however have a problem with the drivers that all of a sudden forget how to drive because we've had a week of spring. I realized last night on my way home that I need some major anger management. It's Kaden that holds me back from throwing my water bottle at the jerkface that cut me off or 16 year old driving slower than my grandmother because he's busy texting (WHICH HAS BEEN BANNED AND I AM MAKING EVERYONE AWARE I WILL TAKE IT UPON MYSELF TO REPORT ANY PERSON VIOLATING THIS RULE) I'm fact lets ban talking on your cell phone. Nothing sparks me off more then someone who is too busy talking to realize the speed limit. I'm done with my ranting. Apparently my child has been saying "howd ju" for the last 5 minutes and just realize he wants me to hold him.

Little Boys will be little boys.

2009-03-16T20:40:00.002-06:00

I always loved the idea of having a little boy after all I have 2 younger brothers and Jeremy has 3 brothers so I knew I was destined to have a family of little explorers. My son however has developed a unique taste in things. For starters he conned my in laws into buying him some cowboy boots. Originally he had picked out the pink ones. After some talking they convinced him into getting brown ones. He loves them.

Check it out!!

2009-03-11T11:27:00.004-06:00

I could be a designer of some sort. I won't quit my day job. I'm actually kind of excited I've been playing around with my blog.. Good news!! My little niece is here she was born at 10:26am and she was 3lbs 6 oz, her lungs are great and she's a cutie her daddy says. No pictures of her yet (this is according to my MIL). Mommy is doing great too. I am so excited!! Maybe I will post some pictures later today. I took a vacation day today to "take it easy" but that's hard for me to do. Jeremy encouraged me to take Kaden to daycare so I can have the day to myself but he just doesnt understand the fact that I just can't do it. So he stayed home with me. After we watched Curious George we proceeded to make breakfast. Kaden was sick about 2 weeks ago and ate nothing but crackers within a 3 day weekend. Well he certainly regained his appetite. He's like a hungry hippo I tell ya. I wish I could record him right now. All I hear is mommy lunch...lunch mommy. I guess I better tend his need.

The way things are

2009-03-10T17:59:00.004-06:00

It's so hard to understand why things happen. I guess what makes it harder is the fact that you know what the answer is, accepting it is the challenge. I miscarried last night, I was on my way to 12 weeks this week. Of course the what if's come up but I can't dwell on that. I've had my time to ponder and have bawled like a crazy woman most of the day but at the end of the day I'm going to be okay. I'm grateful for Jeremy and what a great husband he is. Although it's hard for him to understand, he does his best and I can only appreciate that. I'm grateful for Kaden and his sweet spirit that keeps me going. The Dr said it would be healthy for us to wait 3 months at least to start trying again so that's the plan. I do have to share my hilarious story though. I had to run to walmart to get some panties since my feminine hygiene product don't mesh well with G's. I walk in there at about 5am this morning after sleeping for about 2 hours. I haven't bought underwear for a while and it's funny how out of touch I am. So I'm looking for granny panties nothing special and I grab a pack. This pack looked like it would work. I matched it up with my size and went on my way. I get out of the shower and open this package and low and behold I pull out this massive piece of cloth with 2 leg holes. So I'm laughing almost hysterically just because it's so my luck that this would happen. Well I looked at the package and for some reason I picked up dress size 34-36 so you can only imagine how large in the margin these things were. I still get a kick just thinking about it. :) You're welcome for the lovely visuals. Sometimes I think wouldn't it be nice to be little like Kaden again. So worry free. I mean the kid walks around counting and stepping on things he shouldn't. He sings songs like"scuuubbbaaa aaahh ahhh" Scuba is the little floor cleaning thing my mother in law has. He shows fear when it's in sight but it's the only thing the kid has talked about in the last few days. Anyhow I'm just rambling now..

Trying to get the hang of this.

2009-03-08T17:17:00.002-06:00

So I've been wanting to blog for a while now. I just can't quite figure it out. How does everyone get the cute little backgrounds. I'm pretty blah these days so I gave myself a little goal of figuring this out :) I'll move in babysteps.